In the pursuit of several things, I’m embarking on a blog project.The plan is to create something every day. (This is the ideal plan, but I’ll probably slack off sometimes.) This “something” might be a thing I’ve crafted, written, played (I’m a pianist), cooked, made friends with, or anything that could be said to have been made by me. I’m sure sometimes this will simply be a place to record my thoughts, but hopefully no one gets too bored. In typical fashion, I’ve already started to lose interest, simply while writing this. This is one of the reasons I’m forcing myself to do this. Now comes the “sharing personal information with strangers on the internet” part. For the past several years I’ve been dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, and all the baggage that comes with them. Recently, I reached a point where I felt like nothing was going right and would ever go right again. I wasn’t suicidal, but the combination of everything was severely affecting my daily life. I felt like my life was stagnating and I needed something or someone to save me from drifting away. I felt as if I’d been waiting my entire life for something to happen. I wanted to run away. My life wasn’t mine anymore. Finally, I said fuck it! and decided that I wasn’t going to let life pass me by. A cheesy and unoriginal statement, perhaps, but still true. I decided to be happy again. I looked back at all of the experiences that had caused me pain, and I let them go. I forced myself to see the good in them. That experience had made me a more confident person overall, even if it felt like my life was ending at the time. That one had allowed me to realize what I truly cared about. Others had perhaps not led to good things, but dwelling on them couldn’t make anything better now. Each experience that I reanalyzed through my optimistic lens made me realize that my life wasn’t awful, in fact, it was pretty fantastic. Everything that I decided I wanted, I got. If I committed fully to a dream, I made it happen. I had supportive parents, a small but amazing group of friends, and skills that although sometimes seemingly less than useful, at least made me happy. I sat down and wrote a bucket list of sorts. This bucket list is now clothes pinned to the lamps in my room, and as I complete the items, I’ll take them down and…well, I haven’t really decided what to do with them after that, but I’ll figure something out. I took some pictures of the lamps, even though my camera is probably going on 10 years old and you have to stand completely still while you hold a button down for what seems like an eternity, so often the photos are less than crisp. This project isn’t the fanciest or most well executed, but I think it’s still pretty cute. In case you’re interested, I got the paper and clothespins at the Dollar Store. I think the paper was for a birthday, or something, except that it consists of cupcakes, cakes, birthday presents, balloons, happy birthday signs, and…lady bugs? I’m not sure what lady bugs have to do with birthdays, but the paper was cheap, so I can’t complain. Anyway, enough rambling, on with the photos:
As you can see, some of the items are simply reminders to me, like "Breathe" and "Don't second guess yourself". Pardon the headbands, but I've never found a better place to store them.
Although it may appear that I have the room of a twelve year old, I really am in my 20's.
There you have it, nothing particularly special, but having something tangible to remind me of my goals will hopefully keep me focused, even if many of them are for the future.
Bucket List:
1. Start a blog- Done!
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